The grass isn't greener... Or is it?Aug 14, 2023
Everyone's divorce is different and unique. Some are amicable and very smooth. And some are on the opposite end of the spectrum. Do you remember the movie "War of the Roses"? I hope that none of you reading this have a divorce as treacherous as that one. The movie may be funny to some, but not to those who experience a difficult divorce.
I spent years and years fearing the prospect of divorce. I spent countless hours anxious about how I would survive and how my children would get through it. So much fear and anxiety was present day and night.
The grass was not green on this side of the fence.
The time came in July 2020 to decide to separate. That day was hard. I felt my heart pounding six inches out of my chest in the counselor's waiting room. The day we had to tell my children that the marriage was ending was even harder. The reality is my children knew this marriage was doomed- maybe even before I could admit it to myself.
Yet even though I knew the time had come to end the marriage- it was hard in those early moments. I remember going to the store to get some food for my son. I was so heavy with grief that I could not walk more than a few inches with each step. My legs and heart felt like concrete.
What's pretty certain for all of us is that it's not an easy choice to decide to get divorced. This is true whether you have decided to start the divorce process or if you are on the receiving end of this devastating news. It's not an easy process to go through, even in the most amicable circumstances. There are still some bumps and valleys to navigate.
The grass on this side had long turned brown, brittle, and dry.
I have met a lot of divorced people throughout my life. I remember one in particular. I ran into a former coworker at Trader Joe's. And she told me that she had recently gotten divorced. My response was my hand on my heart and a sigh of heaviness. And she said (which I will never forget), "Hell no!"
I remember thinking, how could she be so happy being divorced?
The grass is greener over here!
This exchange with my colleague was many years ago, and it has stayed with me since. My marriage was in big trouble at that time. And yet I couldn't imagine being excited and happy to have been divorced.
Here is where I encourage you to tap into positivity and hope.
As I write this, I cannot think of one person I've ever met who's gotten divorced and was not thriving and doing well on the other side. And true, I am sure some people struggle even after the divorce is final. For the most part, however, in the many people I've come across in my lifetime, the grass seems greener on the other side.
What's different for me? What is waiting for you when you find the greener grass?
I had no idea I could develop relationships with people as I have in the last year or so. I always knew my family loved and supported me. However, during this divorce process, it became so evidently clear how much they loved and supported me….even when I was trying to crawl into my shell of depression.
Life is good! It is such a gift that I can say with truth and confidence.
June 5, 2023, marked the six-month anniversary of when my divorce was finalized. My anxiety and stress levels have easily improved by at least 95%. This ability to be me improves my relationships with my kids, which is most important to me. This ability to be me helps me show up in relationships and develop better ones. This ability to be me allows me to function in this world, spreading good and kindness rather than figuring out how to survive and battle fear and anxiety.
I am a much better parent and human and professional now that I am divorced.
Let's also remember the grass is VERY green for many couples right now! This is by no means a proponent of divorce.
It is fantastic when people can work out their differences, come together again, and share life in love.
For those times when divorce is inevitable, I offer this to you….peek at the grass. Smell the grass. Listen to the grass move with the wind. Even though you can't yet reach it, know that it IS there.
And it is good.